I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
