noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
