You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
