Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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