you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Hippo gnu deer
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
