i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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