Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
