I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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