Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
