So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
