The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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