Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
