Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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