If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
