I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
