Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
