All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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