i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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