Umm I'm too high to move.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
