forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
