where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
