just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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