I just made out with a guy for $7.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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