we're blogging at a bar
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
