Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
the liver wants what the liver wants
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
