So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
