WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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