I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
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I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
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the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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