Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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