What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
