There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
