...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
