maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
