His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My vagina is officially offended.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
