im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
