Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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