even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
