go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
