Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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