The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
