Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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