you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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