I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
