i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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