My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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