I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
