I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
