At least make sure they are 18
Why
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
