cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
