They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Can I color on your dick again?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I could fuck to npr.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
