I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
