If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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