My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
