tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
