Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
