I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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