Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
