There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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