he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
