So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
