the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
