and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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