Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i love accidental penises.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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