When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
