i permit you to call me
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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