this just has baby written all over it
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
