she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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