I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
