I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
