did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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