and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
