Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
