What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
