So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just gargled with NyQuil
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
