Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
