Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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