My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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