last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
