guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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