I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
