so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
